Why you should try Goodnight Journal. You won't regret it!

After I did, I realize that I was in a toxic. So here is my advice, anytime you have a problem you should write it down to see it from a 3rd perspective. To do that I used Goodnight Journal, where besides reading what I was living the community helped me a lot to realize that was not right. I decided to share what I realized and learned with you to help others in the same situation.

How to stop caring about those who don't care about me?

One of the things that cost me the most in life is letting go of the attachment. This happened to me both in friendship and in love. When I say, “it happened to me” it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen, however, I control much better how it affects me. The ideal I follow is: “I never owe or can’t demand anything from anyone, much less their attention.”

Some people are just not like me. I charged people so much that often because I was not reciprocated, I decided to “nip it in the bud” and never speak to them again. So many relationships that I ended this way and, for what? It didn’t make me better and, above all, it didn’t make me learn. So, what do we do when we give so much of ourselves to a person who doesn’t really care that much? 

1 - Giving without expecting to receive

What I mean by this is, you don’t need to cut off relationships with someone just because he/she is not kind to you. Give what you think you should give and don’t expect anything in return. Analyze carefully whenever you are dedicating time to her, whether you are doing it because you want to or “to please her”/”to do her a favor”. Whether you’re happy or struggling. If you get something good for yourself from the time they share, it will be easier not to ask for anything in return. On the contrary, if you do it just to please him because you wouldn’t do it for yourself, in a way you increase the probability that, when you need it and the person isn’t there, you’ll be disappointed again.

2 - Gives room for reaction

You can’t say that the person hasn’t tried if you don’t give them space. Many of my friends tell me that the guys they go out with don’t ask them out, but often, that doesn’t happen because they don’t give space for it. In everything in life, time is a good ally. Stay a while without taking the initiative and see if the person takes it. Go for a while without talking about yourself and let the person ask you how you are. But how long? This each has its limit. But if you never try to wait, you’ll never know if it was worth it.

3 - Look at yourself

If others don’t care about you, you know. Take the time you spend thinking about the other person and think about yourself, think about what you can do to become a better person. Learn, do improbable workshops, challenge yourself. What do you feel like doing today that you can do without him/her? Reading books, looking at people in the street, painting, sewing, drawing, volunteering, writing, walking the dog… so many things. And there’s another advantage to betting on yourself during the “abandonment” period, is that you can always find out in the end, that the person you so much considered, after all, is not at the evolutionary level you thought and that simply doesn’t interest you anymore.

4 - Puts the person in the place he has conquered

If we think of it as a game, it’s easier. What did the person do to deserve such a special place in your life? What made you good and bad? What have you improved since dealing with her? Time is something very precious, you should only dedicate it to those who deserve it. And who deserved it. I often have this reasoning for example with my parents. They’ve dedicated a lifetime to taking care of me, they’re always at the top of my priorities, even if I feel more like going to the beach than going with them to buy furniture for the living room. Even in difficult phases of my relationship with them, I always try to never say “No” to them because, for me, the debt I owe them is much greater than what I can give them. So why am I so benevolent to other people? Some people do not speak or see their parents/family for a long time and then go after those who do not dedicate anything to them.

5 - Value yourself

Don't accept crumbs.

Never let anyone make you feel inappropriate, inferior, insufficient. You must have people around you who take care of you and make you feel good. Alive. You must not feel a burden to anyone. You are not a burden. You have a lot to give to those who want to receive. You can’t just keep knocking on the same door and expect different reactions.

In the end, the important thing is to know that you gave your best and tried to be happy, but that the person was not prepared to receive what you had to give. Sometimes we get disappointed because we don’t know each other. We don’t know our limit. Nobody can make us suffer if we don’t allow it.

Does it hurt? Of course, it hurts. There are times when you will fall asleep crying and wake up crying. There will be times when you’ll be disappointed like you never thought, but it’s part of going through that so that things are learned, lessons are taken. Life is a journey of self-discovery for anyone who dares to try. And trying to go through falling and rising again.

Disillusionment is part of it.